This collection of Mark Twain quotes presents the best of the curmudgeonly writer's thoughts on diet, exercise, medicine, smoking, drinking, romance, parenting, old age, fashion, finances, politics, and stress management. Curated by a well-known Twain expert and mining lesser-known texts, speeches, and notebooks, it's the perfect gift for anyone who's had enough of Gwyneth's self-righteous advice and the ramblings of the blogosphere.

"Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any."—from an April 15, 1882 speech

"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."—from Pudd'nhead Wilson

"The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands."—from "How I Edited an Agricultural Paper"